A good marriage: giving, loving, tolerating, understanding and supporting each other to achieve a sense of balance in getting along.
This sense of balance is not about caring about who pays more, but about not caring so much. Balance can be achieved by two people's inner satisfaction and compensation for each other. Unbalanced intimacy: "I am right", you have to listen to me, I have paid so much for you, why can't you feel it? In married life, two people are not right or wrong, they are just different.
Often when we quarrel in marriage, most people are actually unwilling to admit that they are wrong. , like children, faced with mistakes. The first thing that comes to mind is the excuse, it's all your fault, it's all your fault, I didn't do anything wrong, even if I was wrong, it's your fault more. In marriage, compete with your partner to win or lose.
In fact, it is to express one's vulnerability. Marriage is a complicated journey, with joys and sorrows along the way, even for the most loving couple. There are 100 times in marriage when I want to strangle each other to death. For people with fragile hearts, no matter how small things are, they will be magnified infinitely, and life is full of storms. People with strong hearts are showing weakness, while people with weak hearts are showing off their strength.
Their bravery actually requires recognition from the outside world. The essence is that it is because the heart is not strong enough, so we need to live in the eyes and mouths of others.
If we particularly hope to prove ourselves through the other party, there are some parts behind this that we need to look at deeply. Why can we only rely on this unproven object of affection to achieve? Where is the psychological lack behind us? Most of them come from their original families! And this part cannot be made up by sacrificing feelings. When we must prove ourselves through the other party’s recognition, we should reflect on what might be wrong with us?
When you If you think you are alone in your marriage, you need to be aware of yourself. Is it that you can't accept the way the other person loves you? In the end, all marriages are a game of comprehensive hardware and software.
The hardware is about the family background, family culture, economic strength, class, and personal hard power of both parties; the software is about the education, cultural literacy, vision, and spirit of personal growth. .
For example: Rabbit goes fishing. I didn’t catch anything on the first and second days, and on the third day the fish couldn’t stand it anymore. The next day, I jumped out of the water and said to Brother Rabbit: "Can you stop fishing for me with the carrots you like to eat?" The same is true in the relationship between husband and wife. A lot of love is the love we think is self-righteous, because the way you use it is your way. , is not the way the other person feels loved by you. This is often the source of the most pain, because you do not give the other person what the other person wants.
Being accustomed to high effort in marriage equals high pressure.
People are accustomed to thinking that if you love the other person, you have to pay for the other person, or even "sacrifice". You think that your constant dedication will move the other person and make him unable to live without you, but you don't realize how much pressure your behavior will bring to him.
If he knows that he has enough ability to repay this effort, then he will naturally be able to accept your effort with peace of mind; but when the effort he endures is higher than the amount he can repay, he will You will feel a strong pressure. When faced with stress, people's first reaction is to escape, that is, to leave you as the source of stress.
Have you really fallen into our blind spot in an intimate relationship? You don’t really understand what the other person’s needs are and what the other person’s true feelings are?
What will you do in your marriage? Zhong was very confused: I care about you very much, I love you very much, I have sacrificed so much for you, why can’t you feel it? Because it is only in your own channel thinking.
Learning to operate is more important than choosing. Thinking about how we work hard to learn how to make money, how to educate children, how to master skills, and how to make connections, it is precisely the lack of learning that determines 80% of our happiness in our marital relationship and marriage management. The more familiar you are, the more you ignore it, which is also a weakness of human nature.
